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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has always been the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and writers stay alert to significant toilet tales and milestones, especially in relation to football. Readers were entertained to learn that a prominent writer a well-known presenter has a West Brom-themed urinal within his residence. Spare a thought regarding the Barnsley supporter who understood the bathroom a little too literally, and was rescued from a deserted Oakwell post-napping in the lavatory midway through a 2015 losing match versus the Cod Army. “He was barefoot and had lost his mobile phone and his hat,” elaborated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And nobody can overlook at the pinnacle of his career with Manchester City, the Italian striker visited a nearby college to use the facilities in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, before entering and requesting directions to the restrooms, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “After that he was just walking round the campus acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday represents 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down from the England national team following a short conversation in a toilet cubicle together with Football Association official David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback versus Germany during 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the famous old stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, his confidential FA records, he stepped into the wet struggling national team changing area directly following the fixture, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – within the changing area's edge, saying quietly: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies tried desperately to save the circumstance.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” recalled Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Merely one possibility emerged. The lavatory booths. A significant event in English football's extensive history took place in the vintage restrooms of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I shut the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

And so, Keegan resigned, subsequently confessing he considered his period as Three Lions boss “soulless”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It’s a very difficult job.” English football has come a long way over the past twenty-five years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the technical area Keegan previously used. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Current Reports

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women’s Bigger Cup updates from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Quote of the Day

“There we stood in a long row, in just our underwear. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, adults, parents, strong personalities with great integrity … but no one said anything. We scarcely made eye contact, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a chilly look. Mute and attentive” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures officials were once put through by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What’s in a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss called ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to take care of the first team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles.

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and provided some branded items, I have decided to put finger to keypad and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|